Small Victories and Challenges

I can do hard things. 

Well Friends,
As I said last week, I am changing the way this blog works. It is going to be a lot more my story and a lot lesson like. Here is my story this week!

Whew a lot of things have happened this week! It was a crazy week, full of small, but great victories and also many challenges. I honestly don't even know where to start. So I will just share the things that I wrote down. I've made it a goal that because I am going through a hard time I want to do all I can do to count my blessings. And share those Tender Mercies with others, like on my blog, so hopefully it will help someone else find strength in their journey!

On Tuesday, my best friend's aunt told me I could help her out at her office- small little things to keep me busy and help me learn. Which was huge for me, because right now I am trying so hard to stay busy so I don't do nothing and get depressed because right now: that is one of our main goals- to keep me from getting depressed.

On Wednesday I had a meeting with my Councilor. It went really well. We get along and when I talk I figure things out and I feel better. Things start to make sense for a moment. Right now I hold onto my counseling because things make sense for a little while, and I feel better. Which is really weird because I always thought counseling was weird: but people- if you need counseling, find a good councilor and GO! I cannot express how much it helps. And I'm 19.. the last thing I thought I'd be doing right now is counseling, but I LOVE IT! GO if you need it. Don't be ashamed, more people than you think have councilors.
Also on Wednesday I got the book "More Than the Tattooed Mormon" by Al Carraway. I LOVE HER! She has inspired me so much. I've been wanting to read her book since it came out but I was so focused on my mission prep materials that I pushed it aside, but when I came home it seemed like the perfect time to read. And oh boy! She is helping me in more ways than ever! Here are a few things I've learned from the first few chapters of her book:
-Work hard and just make things happen.
- Am I recognizing the Spirit in my life, or am I taking it for granted?
- The Spirit works by small means. and I mean small and very simple.
- If we just try, we become better.
- Transformation comes from the act of trying. (it's all about just trying and doing your best with this girl! and it gets you so many places. The Lord does not ask us to be perfect, He just wants us to be perfectly trying! It's about effort not perfection)
-The gospel is not easy. It just makes hard things in life easier. (I'll let you figure out what that means for you. Hard times are doable and there is a reason for it.)
- Promptings from the Spirit are not logical. They are Spiritual.
- The more you act and serve the more your "why" questions will disappear. Your desires will be in line with His.
- Hard times will consistently be there, but so will Christ!
- True happiness only comes from the gospel.
- I know who I've chosen to follow, so why am I questioning it now?
- Scriptures truly do heal a hurting heart and a wondering soul. (Ain't that the truth?! I learned that a few times this week!)
- Tell Heavenly Father EVERY thing. Work that desire of faith, and your faith will grow.
- Choose God.
- The only thing more consist than the storms of life is the LIGHT OF CHRIST!
- If we stick with God we will walk away unharmed even in the worst of worst.
- Always be guided by God and give thanks.
- He will not just make hurts in life right, but He will make them better.
- Hard times are moving you closer to where God needs you to be.
- Fear not. Forget not whose hands you are in.
- Don't let anything get in the way- especially your trials.
- Choosing God is choosing happiness. and choosing happiness is choosing GOD!
- We must constantly be striving for more light and knowledge from God.
- Satan and God have one thing in common: They both desire to have us. The choice is ours of who will win our eternity.
- Giving up is never an option. Christ is our only option.
- The best thing to do is obey God.

Okay I said a few lessons, but here are a lot! And that's only the first 6 chapters!! This book is loaded, and I LOVE it! So that was a huge blessing for me to get that on Wednesday. It helps me so much! It's like Al and I are having a great conversation and she's helping me. It's like having another friend who understands that things don't always go as planned and we need to choose God. I love it!

On Thursday, I had a rough day. I was about to go to bed, but after prayer I knew Heavenly Father needed me to open my scriptures and learn something that night, so reluctantly I opened my scriptures asking Heavenly Father that if I needed to learn something that night to help me open up to it. So I opened my scriptures to 2 Nephi 10. My eyes were drawn to a part that I had marked previously. It was verses 22-25. (Emphasis added: 22 For behold, the Lord God has led away from time to time from the house of Israel, according to his will and pleasure. And now behold, the Lord remembereth all them who have been broken off, wherefore he remembereth us also. 23 Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life. 24 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved. 25 Wherefore, may God raise you from death by the power of the resurrection, and also from everlasting death by the power of the atonement, that ye may be received into the eternal kingdom of God, that ye may praise him through grace divine. Amen )
This is what stood out to me:
- God remembers me.
-Cheer up! I am free to choose if I want to be happy or sad, and I am free to choose if I want to follow Christ or Satan.
-Come unto Christ, as long as I'm doing things for others and doing my best I'm serving them.
- The Atonement takes away my sorrow too. The Atonement knows my anxiety and depression.
- Have FAITH!! Follow simple desires to be like Him!

This scripture gave me exactly what I needed, just as it will give you what you need when you ask God and you search for help in His holy word.

On Friday, I got to spend the night doing fun things with my best friend! We decided we wanted to do something for others. We spent the night making cookies, cards, laughing, and making great memories all while serving Our God by serving others. There is a certain feeling when you do activities like these, it's indescribable but for me: I just feel so happy I want to jump on the roof tops and shout to the world that God is good, and I love Him! The Church is TRUE!
I love serving others and doing that with my best friend is the best place to be. I LOVE it, and it makes me so happy- he's one of the biggest blessings God has given me.
After we did this we had the opportunity to sit and talk. I used this time to open up and share about my experiences in the MTC, experiences that only five people really know. I got to tell of my worries, fears, hopes, concerns, joys, etc. and I didn't hide any of it. Then my Best Friend looked me in the eyes and shared his testimony with me, sharing his faith and power of the Priesthood. As he talked to me, I felt a burden lifting from my shoulders. I felt a happiness, and a peace I was longing for. The Spirit testified to me of things I needed to know. And it simply came through the voice of my best friend.
The power of the Priesthood is real- and I want you to know that. It is a divine gift from God. It heals. I love the Priesthood, I am so thankful for it and I don't know what I would do without it. I am so thankful that my best friend is worthy of this divine gift and calling and that he knows how sacred it is. I love the Priesthood.

Saturday I got to spend the day being with family and friends. Nothing really big happened, but I was a lot happier than I had been in a long time and I made it through a longer day, with less sleep than I had in a while.

Today wasn't easy: but I learned of the Lord's love for me and how that love is shown by the support of ward members. My ward is truly like my family. They love me and I know they do, no matter if I'm serving a full time mission or not. I know that they are proud of me too, and I can count of them. For each one of them I want to say thank you. This trial would be so much harder without your help and support. You are a special angel to me on this journey and I love you lots!

Other than these highlights, some others things that I consider tender mercies that are an ongoing thing are:
- My mom and I spending time together redoing my room! I'm learning how to mud and sand walls, choose good carpets and wall paints, and move heavy items. My mom and I have a lot of fun working together and I know that these are memories I will always cherish. Sometimes we talk a lot and sometimes we laugh so much that we can feel our six packs coming in. No matter what, my mom is always there for me and I love her! I know she will always listen.
- I am knitting! I love this, as it gives me something to do quietly, and watch a movie too. I'm so glad I have this talent cause while I make dish clothes I get to think about whom they are for and my gratitude for them grows and I love them more.
- I get to deal with siblings every day. I love them- even when I do want to lock them in a sound proof room so my head ache will ease. But I wouldn't trade them for the world! They always make me laugh and when they are happy and playing at home I know they are safe and doing good things and I love it. I have the best siblings ever. Siblings by chance, friends by choice!
- It's been 11 days (today) since I've had a panic attack! That is a HUGE accomplishment for me! Cause I know I would have had at least 2 this week if it wasn't for my amazing friends and family to help me and comfort me. And The Atonement of Christ. I remember one time I felt one coming on and I knew I didn't want to break my streak of no attacks- and I thought of the Savior, and that the Atonement isn't just for sins: but that Christ felt my sorrow right there in that moment. He was by my side and it was okay. I really wasn't alone, and suddenly I felt okay- not better, but okay, and my attack went away before it even started. Things like this, all the little things, are the biggest blessings in someone's life like mine.
- I have the best best friend ever. He is always willing to drop everything and listen when he knows an attack may be coming. He always helps me see the bright side and He loves me just the same, and even more. He is wonderful and I can't imagine doing this without his help and support. His faith is unshakable and he loves the gospel and has helped me remember that even though it's tough right now: the scriptures and Christ are what I need most. And on days where I feel I just cannot read the scriptures and I just want to ignore it: He reads them to me and suddenly things seem okay.

I just want you to know that I love each of you. I am SO thankful for the gospel. Looking for tender mercies throughout the week has helped me so much! It helps me to be positive, and seek for the greater things in life. I want you to know that I know it is not easy. We all face trials, and no one knows how we feel, but Christ does. He is the only one who knows- therefore we MUST cling to Him and His gospel. He is our strength, and with Him we cannot fail. We must always remember that alone, we can't do it but with Him we can, and we will- even if our prayers aren't answered this day, someday they will be answered in His way and His time. That means they are being answered right now and we don't even know it! We must trust Him. There is no other way than with Him. I know this, and I hope you come to know it too.
Love you all! Have a great week! Thanks again for all your support and love!
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Love,
Samantha
Here are some personal pictures from the week!

Mom and I sanding my room and becoming snow womens! haha:) 

Making cookies! Don't mind our faces.. we don't believe in normal pics. ;)