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| He loves you. You are HIS. |
This week I have been having a difficult week. I had my ups and downs and I ended a lot of my days feeling like I just couldn't measure up, like I was lacking so much I didn't even matter anymore. I prayed to my loving Heavenly Father a lot more this week, and with a lot more desperation to know my place in His plan and why I was feeling so alone and lost. Thursday night, just when I was about to give up hope, I felt prompted to go somewhere- even if it meant going all alone. (which I was sorta scared to do.)
Thursday night I felt as if everything kept going wrong. Everything was my fault and I couldn't seem to say anything right or do anything right and everyone was so busy and I just felt so "bleh" about my life I just wanted to go hide in my room. I knew there was a Relief Society conference and dinner that night but I just did not want to go. My sister and mom were busy with things for the kids and I didn't want to go alone because I didn't think anyone would want to sit by me, or if they did all they'd want to talk about was why I was home from my mission. I didn't want to go and be around people because it was just a bad day and I didn't want to spend the night talking about things that would just make me feel worse. But the fact of the matter was: the feeling to go would not leave me alone. So finally- 10 mins before it was to start, I changed and went- alone.
As I pulled up I saw lots of women with their friends, and I felt alone. I didn't want to go in. "No, I thought. I've got to at least go in and see if there's anyone who I can sit by." I got out of the car, and walked into the building. The instant I walked in the church a member from my ward saw me and said "Samantha! I am SO glad you are here." Then another member of my ward said "Hey, how are you? Do you want to come sit by me?" I was in awe. Heavenly Father heard my prayers and answered them. I finally felt like I was important.
During the dinner, I sat with some ward members and the only time they even came close to asking about my mission was when they asked how I was doing. We laughed and enjoyed a great meal- followed by a great program. I defiantly felt the Spirit that night, and learned the things Heavenly Father needed me to know-things I would not have learned had I not listened to the Spirit's promptings to go and do. Because I went I received answers to heart felt prayers and I felt the Savior's love for me personally. Here are some of the things I learned:
1- Music can be the most powerful message. (My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee)
2- Heavenly Father knows ME. He knows me better than I know myself. If He knows I can do something- I can.
3- There should be no question whose team you are on. The way you spend your time, money, energy shows who you are truly rooting for.
4- "Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief."
5- You can be the person He planned for you to be.
6- When you give something up to serve the Lord, He will give you back SO much more.
7- Walk through trials with the Savior hand in hand.
8- Sacrifice is painful and inconvenient; But just do it. Get your walking boots on and go. He wants to give you so much more, but you must do something. Ask him what you can sacrifice, give Him that and He will help you get there.
9- Your heart needs to break before He can make you whole.
10- Your trials are nothing more but to turn your heart to Him.
11- It's okay to wonder and doubt as long as you STAY PLANTED! in the faith you have and hold fast to what you DO know.
12- Your Father knows when something is wrong; don't wait to turn to Him.
It was a beautiful meeting and I am so blessed and thankful I went. The most important lesson I learned was that I am not alone, people do care, and following the Spirit can really change my life. I need to not be so concerned about "being alone" or worrying who I will sit by. I always have a friend in Jesus and with Him I am never alone.
Friday night I got to spend some time with my Best Friend. We went to see the adorable kids I work with at school in their school play and then we went out to get Wendy's. We ate, and we laughed so hard we almost choked on food. It was such a great way to spend the evening. Thank your Jordan! :)
Saturday was also an answer to many prayers. I had the opportunity to go to General Women's Conference with some really great friends of mine. They were so kind and invited me to dinner with them and we laughed and had a great evening together. It was so perfect and it means more to me than they know! Love you guys! :) Some of the things I learned at Women's Conference are:
1- Even when it seems all is lost, the work of the Lord is going on.
2- Prayer makes the dark hours sweet, the Lord will conduct us safely till the end.
3- Service is not a burden; rather an opportunity to learn to love.
4- Choosing to be happy, not gossip, tell the truth, smile, etc. are ways to serve. Small and simple acts of kindness are service too.
5- Think: who is under my influence? What time do I have? What skills can I offer? Who can I serve in my family or with my family?
6- Obey with gladness!!
7- It is good to nurture others, but we need to bring ourselves to Christ first.
8- Love is making space in your life for someone else. :)
9- The more we follow Him, the more we love Him, the more we teach simple truths.
10- Remember your covenants but be careful to not run faster than you have strength.
11- Remember: the love of the sisterhood of the church, love for everyone including strangers, and remember the influence of the Holy Ghost. He will guide you to find those who NEED you. and remember the reality of the love the Savior has for you.
12- Commit: to go and to serve. He will prepare the way. Commit to remember the Lord as you serve His children. "What will The Lord have me do?" Commit to be personally modest about your service and good works. Do things in secret and the Lord will reward you openly.
Overall this week has truly been an answer to prayers. I know that Heavenly Father loves us. I know that He has a plan for us and that His Son came to earth many years ago and lived and died and lives again for us. Some of us may be willing to die for our faith, but are we willing to live for it? We need to commit today to be more like the Savior in all we do and live in such a way that others can see Him through us.
On this special Easter Sunday I just wanted to share a video really quick to end. (Sorry I know that this is long.) But this is my testimony; Joseph Smith couldn't have said it better. He says in Doctrine and Covenants 76: 22-24
" 22 And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
23 For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—
24 That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God."
I know He lives again and Because He lives I can do all things through Him. I love Him with all my heart and I want to be like Him.
He Is Risen
This is my testimony. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen
Love, Samantha
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