He Has A Plan For Each Of Us

He is our source of all comfort. He knows me. 

Dear Family and Friends, 

First, I want to say I'm sorry that I did not update my blog last week- I was in the MTC and didn't get the chance to write home by then. Then a new list of events took place in my life- of which I would like to share with you all today. 

Second, I want to let you know that I am going to change (sort of) my blog. It will still be my testimony, but instead of just sharing a "lesson" of sorts, I want to share my experience from the week. So, if this goes the way I plan, my posts will be somewhat of a "journal entry" from the week; and I will share the Tender Mercies of the Lord in my life. It will be about how I have made it through the week, the blessings I have recognized (tender mercies) and it will be more me- not so much a "talk" but more personal. I feel that by doing this it will help those of you whom are concerned about the things I am currently facing, it will be my life updates and it will be more "real life" not just me teaching you what I know. Does that make sense? Well if it doesn't: Sorry! Hopefully it will all come together eventually! 

So lastly, let's start this "new adventure" together! 

As many of you are already aware, I entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo Utah on Jan. 6, 2016. I felt confident and ready to teach the world the gospel. However my body had different ideas. After a very long five and half days, I came home on Jan. 11, 2016. During those five and half days I learned more than I had ever imagined could be learned in that amount of time. Not only about the gospel and how to be a missionary, but I learned about the Atonement of Christ, I learned about my family, and I learned about myself. 

I thought I was just home sick that first night, so I just pushed it to the side telling myself to "forget myself and get to work!!" So I tried with all I had to do this, but it was not as easy as I thought- especially when I started to get sick. From day one there was a lot going on. You had a set schedule, every minute planned out for you for the whole day, and your days were 16 long hours, with no naps. (And might I add, I was not sleeping at night.) Although the food at the MTC was good, I could not eat it because my body was not digesting the food properly, causing a constant tummy ache and leaving little room for more nutrition at the next meal. You have three hour class blocks, and multiple throughout the day. You study in a class room all day long, and you have a constant companion- even if you are just going across the hall to use the restroom. (They have to be in the same room as you- not in the same bathroom stall! No worries, you have that privacy still! Thank Heavens!) Because of everything going on I had a very hard time focusing, which made personal study very difficult, and made class instruction even harder. My body could not handle it. 

Day 4 came along and I had been talking to a leader at the MTC about my problems. I had received a Priesthood Blessing from the Elders in my District, and I was finally feeling like I could do this. My amazing companion and I went back to class and since it was personal time I decided to write in my journal, when suddenly: things went south. My comp. and I decided we needed to go back to see my leader immediately. He got my parents on the phone, we all talked, I saw a doctor the next day (it was Sunday so we determined I could wait till the next morning.) and after speaking with him, we decided it was time for me to go home and get better. This broke my heart but at the same time it was joyous that I could go home and get better. 

I was scared to come home. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Ar first, I thought I had let everyone down, I was now a disappointment, and I just wanted to hide. But my sweet mom gave me a hug, and told me it was all going to be okay and that she loved me and she was still proud of me. All the girls in my district gave me hugs and told me how much they loved me and how much they would miss me. (Those sisters are some the most amazing people I have ever met. Same with the Elders in my district. They changed my life and I hope I changed theirs for good too.) We loaded my bags in my car and it was finally time to go home.

On Jan. 12, 2016, exactly a week after becoming a full time missionary, I was released from my sacred calling as a full time solider for my King. I had fought my fight- no matter how long it was. I was now a injured solider and it was time for me to go home, and get better. It doesn't mean my fight was any less important. It doesn't mean my fight means any less to the Commander. It doesn't mean I wasn't good enough. It just means that I am wounded and now I am home healing with help from my family and friends. I'm still a good and faithful Solider, and I did what my Commander asked me. I fought with all I had and He still loves me. 

Now I am home. I am recovering more every day. Some days I feel lost and hopeless, but I just keep telling myself "keep on trucking." Right before I had major problems at the MTC I saw a quote that said "Things will work out. Everything will be okay." That's something else I keep on saying to myself. It will be alright. Things will work out.

Even though this was most definitely not the plan I had for myself, I know that it is the plan the Lord has for me. I know that because of the Atonement of Christ, and the things He went through to make that Atonement possible, I am not alone. He did not just take upon Himself the sins of the world, but also our imperfections and short comings. He has felt every single pain and sorrow I am now feeling and will yet feel. I am never ever alone because He did this for me- and you. He knows us personally and perfectly. I know this now on a level I didn't know so well before. It is not easy, but the only thing I can do right now is trust HIM. I know the Atonement is enough and it always will be because it is whole, it is complete, it is perfect for each of us- and that includes me. I know that better now. I am not alone in this. 

I know that although I feel broken, my loving support in Heaven, my Father and my Brother; they love broken things. I know they will make me whole. Through time, faith, and the Atonement of Christ I will be whole. I will be better, I will be fixed- no longer broken. But I must take my "broken" to Him. He is my physician, my healer, my all. And I love Him. 

I love you all. Thank you for your support, love, and encouragement. Always remember Our Heavenly Father knows YOU and He loves YOU too. You are not alone in your trial. Take it one day at a time and learn, with me, to trust Him with everything. "In time this too shall pass" with great faith and hope and trust in Him, our one true source of comfort, love, and healing. Never give up on Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Love, 

Samantha