Let Go and Let God

Let Him heal you. 

Dear Family and Friends,

As I partook of the Sacrament today, I prayed for the Lord's guidance and forgiveness. As some of you know I will entering the Temple this Wednesday to make sacred covenants with my Heavenly Father. I have been praying for weeks that I will not only feel the Holy Ghost, but that I will know that I am in the presence of Heavenly Beings. (My Heavenly Father & Mother and Savior Jesus Christ) I have been praying that I will also be worthy to be in Their divine presence, continually asking for forgiveness and striving to do and be better than I was yesterday. As I took the Sacrament today I truly felt the Spirit testify truths to me and bear comfort and peace to my heart and soul.

As I have been on this journey to enter the Temple and then go on a mission, there has been a constant question in my mind: "Am I really worthy to enter into such a sacred place and be with such clean, divine, pure, Heavenly Beings?" I am far from perfect. I have made choices in my life that were contrary to The Lord's teachings- but I have also repented, and I know that I have: so why then, am I feeling this way?

The once sort of "muddy" answer has become quite clear over the last few weeks and especially today as I took the Sacrament.
1. I know that we still feel guilt after we have repented and been forgiven: this is to help us to not make the same mistake again. Guilt is something that we, with time, prayer, and faith: overcome. He heals us.
2. Satan uses that guilt to make you doubt. That is one of his biggest weapons against us: doubt! Dieter F. Uchtdorf, of the First Presidency, once said: "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." Satan will see and use any tiny trickle of doubt to make you doubt more and cause that trickle to become more of a stream, then a river, then a pond, then a lake, and eventually an ocean if we let him get it that far. I saw this happening in my own life- and I didn't like it.

The short version of: My Story of Doubt:
I chose to go on an LDS mission.
Satan knew it would be a long hard road, so before my call even came he started to send doubts to my mind. He knows that I have always been hard on myself. He knows that I tend to think I am consistently not good enough- so using these thoughts he made the fears of my mission grow deeper and deeper.
I have always wondered: "Am I really worthy to enter the Holy temple and be set apart as His witness?"
Satan used this doubt to make me feel guilty all over again for things that I thought I had dealt with, cleaned up and "put away." My constant thoughts were: "I know I've repented. The people who have helped me along the way have helped me know that I have truly been forgiven- so why am I feeling this again?!"
Along came my mission call and I was feeling confident and ready! But then came the preparation for my mission and I was suddenly very un-confident and very overwhelmed.
Satan used my overwhelming feelings and turned them into doubt and frustration with myself and others. I was suddenly not very happy about my mission. I wanted it to be further away. I didn't even think I wanted to go anymore. The only thing that kept me holding onto my call was that I didn't want to be a quitter. My fear of giving up too early was greater than my fear of "not being enough or having enough to give."

So now we are here: with questions and thoughts entering into my head that are making it next to impossible for me to love my mission call. I almost quit. I didn't think I could do it anymore. "Wouldn't it just be easier to stay home and do school?" But then I remembered a quote my mom always had on the wall while I was growing up. It had a picture of Christ and it said "I never said it would be easy- I only said it would be worth it." and that kept me going. He walked-alone, the hardest path ever known to man or God, and He did it for me, so I could therefore walk this path, with Him and for Him.

Still as I am preparing for the temple, I was unsure if I was really worthy. But I knew I was- so why did I feel this way? How could I feel better so that I could really feel His presence in His Holy Temple? As I have been pondering this- and as I took the Sacrament, praying for answers- I heard a voice tell me: "He wants you there too. Don't let fear keep you out. You are clean and forgiven. Both you and He know that. Go to the Temple. He will be by your side." Then- "Let go, and let GOD. His power and grace is sufficient for you." Go be with Him." I felt peace. I didn't want to open my eyes. I just wanted to sit there and enjoy that feeling and that knowledge for hours. I could feel His love.

Brothers and Sisters, I do not know what trial you may be dealing with. I do not know what things you are working through, but I do know that our Heavenly Father knows and He knows perfectly. You are not alone. He loves you more than you understand. If you are struggling with anything- please: let go and let God. He truly does have the power to make you clean before Him. He will forgive you. He will heal you. Let Him. He will bring you back into His presence if you let Him. Please: Let Him.

I love you, and I know you can do this. Do not give up. He is right by your side.
Of this I testify and bear my witness,
In the sacred name of Jesus Christ,
Amen

Love,
Samantha